If anything could make me cry buckets of tears without effort, it would be him.
Omar apologized for something that he wasn't ever really at fault for - our relationship. He asked me how I was doing with my new boyfriend...and...I responded "Really well." And it hurt to admit that to him, and I told him, and he said not to worry about it...but the thing is...it didn't hurt because I was worrying about it, it just hurt. That's when the tears began to fall...and I love the way they fall: effortlessly, slipping over the rim of my eye like silk. They begin with little warning and multiply. More than I can wipe away.
Other than that, the whole conversation was very calm and honest. Somewhat surreal. Quite simple. It was the opposite of what our relationship was. It was what our relationship should have been. We both had the same capacities, the same want for love and affection, the same manner of endearing, but somehow as a single teenager, my lifestyle didn't allow it. Okay, it was mainly my family but those who have control over your life can, infact, deny you of one. It's funny that despite the lack of relationship that went on for two years (officially) I don't really feel as if I know him very well. But I know that it's there...my memories of him include the facts about the way he is/was, what he has done. I know I know him, but I can't place my finger on what exactly I know!
I continued to cry, but not blindly through a haze. The tears were irrelevant. I guess that's why I could notice their fascination. Anyway, we said our goodbyes, two for good measure, and they were adequate. And bittersweetly satisfying. But not. I wasn't satisfied. Everytime we said goodbye in the past, I was never satisfied with the thought of parting. But this calm and honest closure was more satisfying than the others. Not as desperate at face value. Maybe because I have someone?
Slumbykun signed off at 4:13 AM.
Perhaps I just didn't know him as well as I would have liked.